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Feeling like we need to be strong all the time BUT no one told us we had to be...

Updated: Aug 8, 2023

“I’m good, I’m fine, don’t worry, I got this”.

I don’t got this.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Or is just me? I have found I can be such a complex human being when it comes to this. With love all around me from the day I was born to now, always knowing I was loved and cared for; being fought over by siblings; apple of my fathers eye; mothers number one star, why do I then feel like I can’t express my hardships. I feel like when I just stop for a moment, at a busy and strange time of my life, (Covid-19 I'm definitely talking to you) when you’re worn out and something doesn’t feel right and you’re not feeling completely in aligned with your purpose, the flood gates open. And with the flood gates comes all my darkest thoughts of my self and things I had been working on to fix, like all the hard work I had put in so far unravels in one go.

They say it takes 66 days for a new behaviour to become automatic. Good and bad. Some of us want to drop some habits and pick up new ones, a natural process of growing up, maturing and experiencing growth. And some progress we don’t even think about it, it just happens natural over time, like one day you realise, huh, I don’t do that anymore. Yey me!

However, why are some things harder to programme into our brain. Every time we’ve made a break through, successfully overcoming a pattern that you know you have and noticing that you didn’t repeat it, feels great! Like choosing to quit smoking, the longer you don’t do it the stronger you become at staying away, right? It's practice, I like to think of it as. But with some things, you think you’ve got the message, to not repeat again, to not have this scenario happen again, because it's actually too painful to go through over and over. And then BOOM, you do it again. And ouch, it hurts every time.

In case it wasn’t clear quite yet what my patterns are, let me elaborate. SELF LOVE. SELF ACCEPTANCE. SELF CONFIDENCE. These three things I have come to realise I struggle to embed in me. They are not there naturally, for me. It's something I have to actually consciously think about because my default is set to: self destruction and self sabotage. Many would think of me as confident. On the surface I am, but deep down I believe everyone is a little bit more awesome than me and that I'm not half as capable as others. This is me letting myself down. I'm letting myself not win, and I know it.

We all have our people, who we know love us and have our best interests at heart, and will tell you so. Listen to what they are telling you and listen good, because those people have true amazing love for you and have no reason to lie. How many quotes do we have to read and re-post on instagram until we start completely living up to the magic they all bring to you. You know when you read that magical quote where you have an epiphany and just think to yourself, YES. Just yes. And do you have a vision of how you want to be? Do you consciously each day work towards being that person you want to be or does it just happen naturally? If so, that's brilliant, because you are just being unconditionally you. And that's magic. But if you are that small portion who unravel when times get tough and all that hard work goes out the window, then maybe you'll relate to what I'm writing about.

This all came to me on a dull Covid Saturday night after a long week of working in sales (tough gig), not my love and passion, not my ideal Saturday night and just all round feeling like I'm not living my best life. I had been complaining all week about how cold my workplace is, to the point where it actually was making me miserable! It’s 42 hours a week of being cold, yes I did the maths. Smallest of things like that building up through the week, leading to an all mighty explosion of tears and emotion. But after having released myself and speaking my truth to those nearest and dearest, I immediately feel like I need to BUCK UP, TAKE IT ON THE CHIN, STOP COMPLAINING. What is that about, seriously? I immediately wish I didn’t say it, because giving it my bother meant I gave in and crumbled, and now I'm weak... WHAT?! No one said I was weak, only me, so… why am I doing that and where did that come from?

The truth is I have slowly let myself view the world as tough and hard core and difficult and you got to be tough and hard core to get through it, when it's really as simple as we make it. Could you agree that as adults, we should maybe re visit some light hearted characteristics you had as a child, because in general what children have less of than adults is inhibitions. I absolutely love seeing a child being completely unfiltered and hilarious, rolling round on the floor with not a care in the world. I may not say this when it's my own child but I hope to marvel in their free nature and let it teach me something each and everyday.

So right now, pre parenthood even, I'm working on a fine balance of that, bringing that carefree self back. I have come to realise that I haven't been flowing, I've been trying to control the outcome of most situations I'm in, believing that if I didn't, that situation would have gone west. Would it have? Or would I be in a completely different place than I am today. Maybe enjoying the ride instead of being in the drivers seat I would have ended up somewhere completely fascinating and new. Either way I do believe in trusting my journey, so much I got it tattooed on my wrist, and where I'm at now is exactly where I'm supposed to be, no matter how uncomfortable, I'm sitting in this present, and chatting about it.

And with having said that, I am firm believer of you can't change the past, which is why writing this blog really is focusing on the present, living in the now, and changing my patterns for a better brighter future. This is the first of a few blogs, talking all about an emotion or a fact, analysing those thoughts and then talking about the big fat BUT, because I know I usually have one ;)

Now, no one likes a complaining person, I certainly don't, but I'm learning to remember that speaking about my hardships doesn't be make me weak, not in the slightest. It's important to hold on to that vulnerability as you get older because that's what makes you a human and not a robot. We all want to feel needed in this life, so those who are there for you, want to feel needed by you and in turn help you through whatever it may be, and draw closer to one another, because that is what I believe the humans purpose really is. We all have that person in our lives we feel we need to be strong for all the time but the truth is, your strength comes from deep within and it is already there. Deep deep from within, that bravery and resilience is your strength. And if you really look close enough at, you'll see you have an abundance of; and having a moan about a cold workplace doesn't make you weak. In fact, I am removing the word 'weak' from my vocabulary. It has no place here anymore.

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